


No More Words

by Phaedra_Dahl



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Heartache, Heartbreak, Love Confessions, Sad Luke, Sad Mara, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-01-10
Packaged: 2018-09-16 14:02:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9275078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phaedra_Dahl/pseuds/Phaedra_Dahl
Summary: This is prologue to a series that I'm writing now, called "If It Isn't You"... its' Extended Universe, but also AU.So, bear with me...we'll get back to happier times soon.Summary: What if Mara told Luke how she felt... what if it was too late for him to do anything about it?Timeline: More than a year before "Vision of the Future"





	

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by a song-- I'll try not to get too cheesy about it. But the song is called "Break your Heart" by the Barenaked Ladies-- if you have a chance-- you should play the live version while you read this story. 
> 
> Here are the Lyrics:
> 
> The bravest thing I've ever done  
> Was to run away and hide  
> But not this time, not this time  
> And the weakest thing I've ever done  
> Was to stay right by your side  
> Just like this time, and every time
> 
> I couldn't tell you I was happy when you were gone  
> So I lied and said that I missed you when we were apart  
> I couldn't tell you, so I had to lead you on  
> But I didn't mean to break your heart
> 
> And if I always seem distracted  
> Like my minds somewhere else  
> That's because it's true, yes it's true  
> It's this stupid pride that makes me feel  
> Like I have to follow through  
> Even half-assedly, loving you
> 
> Why must I always speak in terms of cowardice?  
> When I guess I should have just come out and told you right from the start  
> Why must I always tell you all I want is this?  
> I guess 'cause I didn't want to break your heart
> 
> And you said  
> What'd you think that I was gonna do,  
> Curl up and die just because of you?  
> I'm not that weak, you know  
> What'd you think that I was gonna do,  
> Try to make you love me as much as I love you?  
> How could you be so low?
> 
> You arrogant man,  
> What do you think that I am?  
> My heart will be fine  
> Just stop wasting my time
> 
> And now I know that you will be okay, and that I got what I want   
> And that's rid of you  
> Good bye
> 
> And it's not cause I'll be missing you  
> That makes me fall apart  
> It's just that I didn't mean to break  
> No I didn't mean to break  
> No I didn't mean to break  
> Your heart

A long time ago…in a galaxy far, far away…

Mara Jade closed her eyes against the warm breeze that whipped around her face, and pushed away the soft tendrils of hair. From her view on top of the Imperial Palace, she watched the moving vehicles below, and then turned her gaze out towards the mountains with their soft snow -capped peaks.

It had been almost nine years since she had stood on this same balcony over-looking the city, making a decision that would change her life forever. Since then her life had changed in many ways—in the ways she that she want it to change—and in some ways, it hadn’t…not one little bit.

It had been a recent rough two years for her…ever since acknowledging her feelings for a certain Jedi Master, at least to herself. Moreover, it was watching him give his love to someone else, and watching that person leave him a crumpled man by not returning his love, that had almost destroyed her ability to love.

Mara had wanted to console him at that time, to give him hope. She thought of the myriad of times that she wanted to tell him since that day—the number of times she was so close to reaching out and pressing her lips to his--but she knew that he was still broken, and she would not be a consolation prize. Maybe that had cost her time, but she had hoped that it would have given him some clarity. As it turned out, it had only caused him to turn inward on himself, making it impossible for Mara to confess her feelings for him. 

For the past six months, she had come back to the capital to specifically spend time with him, in hopes that an opportunity would present itself. Ever pragmatic, she had given herself a specific time limit, hoping and praying that, by her being in his constant vision, and making herself available to him, that he would snap out it or at the very least show some sign that he was ready to find love… her love–but time had now run out. She had talked herself into, and out of, having this conversation with him…but she could delay it no further.

Mara wiped away a tear that had appeared on her face, and the wind dried it quickly. She was done crying tears that he would never see.

Earlier in the evening, she had given him one last chance. The formal ball had been planned to welcome in some new delegation from some outer rim world, and although Mara couldn’t care less about politics, it would prove to be another event that threw them together. As always, they entered separately, mingled until at some point they would meet face to face… he would ask her to dance…she would look up at him, he would look down at her…both of their breaths would become deep and longing…then the music would end, and…nothing. He would go off to his friends, and she would be abandoned, left to wander among the guests. Only this time, she chose to break the cycle.

The melody ended, and other pairs were flowing to the off side of the dancefloor. Luke had led her to a corner where they could then part ways. She stopped him with a casual hand on his arm. He had stopped and stared at her hand, when he looked back up at her, his blue eyes were still dark and smoldering from the dance. She found her voice, and managed to say, “Luke?—our place? In an hour?” He nodded acceptance and knew where he could find her.

It was where she was now….their place. He would be arriving soon…she could feel his presence approaching…and she could feel her fear growing. Would she be able to find the words? Would he even listen?

From behind her, she heard the door open. “Over here. “ She called. Her voice sounded strained to her. She swallowed and straighten her back.

“Hi Mara… I’m glad you asked me here… I was looking for an excuse to get out of there.” Luke Skywalker, Jedi Master, and master at disarming people with his nature, was unconsciously trying to do it again…with her now.

“Were you?” she asked him incredulously, forcing a slight smile to her face.

He walked around to see her face…and her smile, to him, he could tell she was forcing it.

“Of course I was… you know how I hate those events…and since you’re one of my favourite people…it just made sense.”  He leaned against the railing, letting his hands dangle.

She reached out, and touched one of his hands. “Am I?” she asked, “One of your favourite people?”

“Of course you are! why would you think you’re not!” he playfully objected, smiling, thinking she was hunting for a compliment.

“Why?—Why, Luke, am I one of your favourite people?” she asked again, the smile fading from her face.

“We’ve been friends for so long now… you know what you mean to me.” He could see that she wasn’t playing now.

“How?—How…Luke…how am I one of your favourite people?” she let his hand slip away from hands and she back away slightly.

“Mara—is there something wrong?” His eyes begged, “Did I do something?”

She smiled briefly, and turned away from him…she couldn’t look at him, when she knew what she had to say.

“That’s just it Luke….y-you haven’t done anything.” Her tone wasn’t angry…she was just tired of fighting for something he wasn’t prepared to give her…she was numb.

Her dispassion was unsettling to him. “I don’t understand… what are you trying to tell me?”

Her face softened, as she turned back to him. She inhaled deeply, preparing herself before she spoke.

“Luke, I want you to listen to what I have to say…really listen.” Her eyes pleaded. “I’m leaving tonight. I’ve been ready to go for a while, and I wanted to say good bye before I did…” – she could see that he wanted to speak as he straighten out his stance, and opened his mouth, but she just held up her hand to stop him. “Please, Luke, if I don’t say this—I might never get this out.” He paused and looked down for a moment, then back up at her.

“We’ve known each other a long time now… we’ve been through a lot together.” she smiled again before continuing. “We’ve been through things that nobody else would understand… probably not believe either….but through all this, we’ve stayed friends…. friends… even when people didn’t think we were… friends… even times when others thought we were more than that.” She started to pace slowly…having more of this conversation with herself than with him.

“I know what you’re going to say… something about being Jedi… and I know that I should have finished my training long ago….” Her words drifted away as she looked down at her feet, before bringing her eyes up again. “…I don’t know why I didn’t finish—it’s not like me to leave something undone…. Maybe because it didn’t feel complete without you.”

“The problem is, Luke, no matter what you thought of me… of us…for me,” she paused, “something changed.” She began to pace again, lightly kicking the hem of her gown out in front of her. “I can’t tell you why it changed…it just did.” She began atypically wringing her hands. “But I know when it changed too…I know it very well.” Her eyes changed, as memories entered her mind. “At the time, I was finally ready… ready to leave the smuggler life…ready to join the Order…make a commitment to _you_.” Her voice changed on the last word, and his eyes widened slightly with the realization of what she was telling him. “Yes, Luke, I was going to tell you that my feelings for you had changed.”

“It’s not your fault...” she looked away suddenly, and blinked the wetness that was beginning to form in her eyes, “you didn’t know… how could you? We hadn’t seen each other for months…you had been sucked up into _The Eye_ … and when you came back injured…and..a-and then she…and you.” Mara couldn’t say the other woman’s name. “What was I going to say?” she shrugged, and gave an insecure laugh. “What was I going to do?—tell you? – how unfair would that be to you?” She swallowed, then turned back to face him. “You…you loved her.” She shook her head.

Mara’s chest felt tight inside her, but she continued. “You loved her….and not me.” Telling the truth out loud was supposed to be freeing, only it wasn’t.

She could tell he was shocked…he eyes were concerned...his mouth slightly agape. 

“I even stayed back when it was over. I know you, and I knew you needed time to heal.” For a moment she looked away. In a voice almost too low for him to hear, “And then there was Lando…” she whispered, “so stupid of me.”

“And now that you’ve had time…where are we now?” She looked him hard in the eye. “We’re not far from where we were when we first came up here, nine years ago.”

Her words had started to register with him, and his eyes blinked. She could tell that he wasn’t going to stay silent for any longer. His voice was shaky to his own ears, “Mara?—are you trying to tell me what I think you are?”

She smiled, and sighed, “Luke, I love you.” The moment was not lost on her, she had to see this finished. “But I can’t do this anymore.” And her tears began to roll. “I can’t wait around anymore waiting for you to decide… to decide if I’m even worth loving…for you.”

He stepped towards her- she stepped back and put up her hand to stop him again.

“Don’t I get a say in this?” he protested. “You’re going to just leave?!?”

She shook her head, she raised her voice at him, “What are you going to say, Luke?... We’ve had nine years!...You’ve had the past six months that show an inkling that you had any interest in me!…I stayed here for you! I’ve kept my life on hold…. I can’t do it anymore!” Her mind and body were tired, but her heart was broken and exhausted.

“So you’re going to give up on me too?” his voice raised to match her intensity.

“How dare you!” she growled, “I’ve never given up on you! Ever! I’ve held this for years!... Years Luke!” she was now yelling – something she had promised her that she wasn’t going to do.

“Do you have any idea of what they call me? –do you?” He shook his head, silenced by her anger. “Skywalker’s whore!—that’s what! Sometimes behind my back… but mostly to my face! Joke’s on them isn’t it?—you’ve never even tried to kiss me! Never! Not once!” She paced in place now. “And I wanted you to, Luke! I wanted you to just kiss me—just once…only, if only once!”

The final straw, she had to say it to his face, “You can’t have my heart anymore!”

As her last resort, to make him understand, she let her shields drop – all the ones she had held in place over the years. At once he felt it all; her joy with being with him, the sadness and heartbreak she had in the moments while he held another woman, the hope and renewed love for him…all of it…overpowering…and at the end, the sad resignation that he would never feel the same way for her.

His hand moved to his chest, and his breath grew labored as he felt her pain. He swallowed, and tears began to swell in his eyes. Those crystal blue eyes that she had wished would return her love….it was never going to happen.

When he found his voice, “Mara…but I...”

She stopped him again, “What? – are you going to tell me that you had feelings for me all along… but never wanted to act on them? – is that what you were going to say?” She wanted to mock him, but now he was in pain too, and she knew she had let her cruel intentions for him slip away years ago.  

In the distance, her chrono sounded, a slight reprieve from the moment. It meant that her window to depart from port was approaching.

“It’s too little, Luke…it’s too late.” She knew it was cruel after the words left her mouth. She began to walk towards him slowly, “Just give us one moment… one last moment.” She mentally pleaded for one last embrace.

He was still shocked but he took her into his arms – she wrapped her arms around his mid-section, feeling his warmth – he crushed her to his chest, and gently rocked back and forth. “Please?” he begged into her hair, “please don’t go.” He was mumbling now, repeating that phrase over and over again. “Don’t go…don’t go.” She felt his body shiver and convulse as she could feel his tears dampen her hair.

Through the agony, she didn’t want the moment to end…his body being so close.  

A long moment passed before he stopped quaking, and she was able compose herself. “I’ll always be your friend, Luke—nothing will change that…but I need to stay away for a while.” She pulled back from him; his arms weren’t ready to let her go. She mumbled, “It will be less awkward when we do meet again.”

She backed away, not wanting to look at him…she couldn’t give him the opportunity to say anything…his words could still change her mind…she had to do this for herself.

“Good bye Luke”—one step towards him… his head hung low, but she placed a tender-chaste kiss on his wet cheek…then turn and left their balcony.

As soon as the door closed behind her, she walked the first few steps, and then her speed increased until she ran to the turbolift, and pressed the buttons repeatedly until the doors closed.

Within twenty minutes, _The Fire_ was in the air, leaving him behind.

~FIN


End file.
